Child Safety Is More Than A Slogan (SI)

“Stranger danger” — the phrase is so pervasive in our culture that it has become part of the lexicon. Well-intentioned adults perpetuate this misguided message; children, who are often literal thinkers, may take the “never talk to strangers” message too far; and the media often uses it as a slogan.

So what does “stranger danger” really mean, and do children benefit from an outdated and incomplete message? Here’s what we have learned about the “stranger-danger” concept.

Children don’t get it
Adults don’t practice it
It doesn’t go far enough in protecting children from potential danger

That’s why the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children® (NCMEC) has never supported the “stranger-danger” message, especially since experience has shown most children are actually taken by someone they know or are familiar with.

When questioned, children will often describe a “stranger” as someone who is “ugly or mean.” They don’t perceive attractive or friendly people as “strangers.” And if someone talks to a child or is even around a child more than once, that person may lose his or her “stranger” status to the child. The child may then think he or she “knows” that person. Children also want to be helpful, thrive on adult approval, and respond to adult authority. So, if someone with ill intent asks them to perform a task or tells them something has happened to a loved one, chances are good the child may be tricked into going with that person.

The “stranger-danger” message becomes even more confusing for children since they might not be able to tell by looking at someone whether or not the person is “good” or “bad.” Wouldn’t it be great if we could point out the “bad” people to our children and be done with it? In social settings, from attending events to shopping, adults break the rule of “don’t talk to strangers” all the time. But adults have the benefit of experience, judgment, and decision-making skills; children do not. And sometimes adults misperceive potential dangers. So, if we can’t always identify “bad” people, we certainly can’t expect our children to be able to do so.

Today children need to be empowered with positive messages and safety skills that will build their self- esteem and self- confidence while helping to keep them safer. They need to learn how to recognize and avoid potentially dangerous situations. And, if ending up in a dangerous situation, they need to do everything they can to get out of that situation. They don’t need to be told the world is a scary place. They watch the news, hear adults talking, and may even experience violence firsthand. Rather, they need to know their parent, guardian, or another trusted adult is there for them if they are in trouble. And they also need to know most adults they encounter in their lives are good people.

When we tell children to “never talk to strangers,” we have effectively eliminated a key source of help for them. If they’re lost they may be surrounded by many rescuers who could help them but may perceive those people as “strangers” they should not talk with. There have been cases in which a child’s rescue was delayed because the lost child was afraid to call out to the “strangers” when rescuers were nearby. Since we know parents and guardians can’t be with their children every second of the day, we need to give children “safety nets” of people they may go to if they need help. Those individuals may include a uniformed law-enforcement or security officer; store salesperson with a nametag; person with a nametag who is working at the information booth; or mother with children.

In specific situations such as being lost outside, the safety messages need to be tailored to those circumstances. Children should

Not wander away from where they first became lost because staying put may increase the chances of being found. If that place becomes too dangerous, however, because of severe weather or another threatening situation, children should go to the nearest safe spot and wait for rescuers.
Make noise either by yelling, blowing a whistle, or attracting attention in some other way. This will help in bringing someone to their rescue.

Parents and guardians should make child safety part of a child’s everyday life in a reassuring way by practicing some of these skills. Whether it’s checking first with a trusted adult, taking a friend, or avoiding and getting out of dangerous situations, there are easy “what- if” scenarios to practice with your children to make sure they “get it.” Make outings to a mall or park a “teachable moment” to help reinforce these s kills. This practice will help them know what to do if they become lost or are in danger. Practice these skills on a regular basis to make sure they become second nature. At the same time reassure them you are there for them, and remind them there are other people who are able to help too.

NCMEC believes the time is now for our society to retire the “stranger-danger” message; realize child safety is much more important than a slogan; and make sure we are arming our children with relevant, age-appropriate messages that will empower them. Remember there is nothing on earth that beats our parental, guardian, and caregiver supervision and attention in helping to keep our children safer.

For more information about child-safety topics, please visit our website at www.missingkids.com or contact us at 1-800-THE-LOST^® (1-800-843-5678).


Contact Us Privacy Policy Site Search Terms of Use
Copyright © 2010 National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. All rights reserved.